Up Close and Too Personal at the KC Zoo

I give the Kansas City Zoo a lot of crap. It's not that it isn't a perfectly good zoo, but the fact is, I have been completely spoiled by St. Louis and its "100% free zoo admission." Granted, 100% of everything inside the St. Louie zoo is pretty much going to cost you a fortune, but the basic animals in cages thing is pretty much free.


But, because I live in Kansas City, and because I feel bad about dissing the zoo, we generally make a trek there at least once a summer.


So around noon today, Daniel, Ghetto, and I all headed down to the zoo for our yearly fix of hippos, giraffes, kangaroos, and rhinos.


Yes....rhinos. Ghetto's favorite animal to look at because "they always do something crazy." So after spending at least 15 minutes checking out the hippos (Daniel's favorite), we walked over to check out the great horned beasts. And, lo and behold, they were acting crazy. One guy was banging his head on a log and we had a good laugh at him.

Then we saw one head our way.

This guy was massive! Daniel immediately grabbed the camera and started snapping pictures. We moved closer to the fence to get a better view as he walked not 7 feet away from us. Then he turned around to give us a good view of his rear end. As Daniel was shouting at him to turn around so he could get a better picture, I was taking a not-so-pleasant look at his private parts.


"Nice penis, buddy." I believe was my line.


Then all I saw was a shower of liquid leaving said penis and spraying all over my legs.

A rhinoceros peed on me today.

Seriously.

After it happened, we all sort of just looked at each other and started laughing. Then I looked down and saw that my legs were dripping with rhino urine. Smelly rhino urine. So after sprinting to the bathroom and washing off with toilet paper and water (zoo too cheap for paper towels), we continued our journey around the park. Wiser (and smellier) for the experience.

And what did Mr. Rhino do after his glorious act?

Thanks Kansas City Zoo. I just paid 10.50 to get peed on.

Catie's Aloha Bridal Shower

So I'd like to apologize in advance for the lack of anything cool in this blog for awhile. Work has been crappy at the moment, so I will make up for it by posting some wonderful pictures from Catie's "Aloha" Bridal Shower!

Catie got in from Seattle on Saturday night and she greeted us with her usual bright and loving demeanor.

(That's me tackling her. The old guy just got lucky to be in this picture.)

I did a lot of prep (read waaaaaaay too much) for the party, and I was really pleased with how everything looked. Plus, now my house looks like a beach party all the time!

The first game we played was a "Make Catie a Veil" game and I have to say we got some pretty creative entries. Luckily enough, we were able to have Dad model for us too. All in all, it was awesome.

(Here comes the bride!)



(Carolyn and I working hard on our awesome veil)

(Brenda with she and Nikki's veil contribution....possibly the greatest ever made)

I also made some delicious favors and some guestbook pages for everyone to fill out for Catie. They turned out really lovely, but like an idiot I forgot to take a picture of the actual Guestbook. Catie, you'll have to send those my way.

Plus there was delicous food. Believe or not, Carolyn had never had Fruit Pizza! FRUIT PIZZA, possibly the greatest invention EVER! Luckily, I remedied that with two different kinds. :-)

(Mmmmmmm Brownie)

Plus, flip-flops were required! Although I let Grandma get away with her normal hose and orthopedic shoes. They were definitey flip-flops in spirit. :-)

(Look away Nikki and Carolyn, we know you hate feet!)

Catie got lots of presents too!

(Lovely pajamas from yours truly)

And we had Mai Tais in Margarita glasses on top of a Kegerator.

You just can't beat that irony.

All in all, a lovely party, and a lovely time, and a lovely sister. :-)

Help Research Continue

I was reading Neil Gaiman's blog and I discovered that we are able to comment on the new regulations for Stem Cell Research. Unfortunately, several religious extremist organizations have totally decided to bombard the website with anti-stemcell research comments.

As of today:
*"The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) launched a new"Oppose Destructive Stem Cell Research" campaign today, equipping citizensto contact Congress and the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to opposeembryonic stem cell research ." -- WASHINGTON, May 6/PRNewswire-USNewswire/ www.usccb.org/stemcellcampaign

and that

". ..of the 6000 plus comments that NIHhas received concerning the draft guidelines, 99% were from people whoopposed embryonic stem cell research."-Carecure Forumhttp://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/showpost.php?p=1039001&postcount=12

THERE IS NO WAY that 99% of the people in this country think helping find cures to terrible diseases is WRONG. If you guys could just take a minute of your time to leave a positive comment on the website, we could get a representative count of people, rather than something completely hoodwinked by the religious right. http://stemcells.nih.gov/policy/2009draft.htm

Here is a link to a great letter with lots more info and comment ideas.
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dd5vs2xt_0hkwp6xd8
Please help.

Just call me Jimmie...

Tuesday morning I was a having a great day until 2 p.m. Then as I was staring at my computer screen, things started to look a little odd. My world was spinning around me, and when I stood up it hit me even worse. After a "quck" visit to the doctor this morning, the facts were confirmed; I have a little something called

VERTIGO!!

(cue Bernard Herman score)

I have vertigo and it might last for up to 6 weeks! I at least seem to have a mild case, meaning no vomiting or having to lay in bed all day. It mainly just feels like I stepped off a rollercoaster when I'm walking around, and it's kind of hard to concentrate when I'm having a spell.

Anyway, Brenda has decided she will be calling me Jimmie Stewart from now on.

Although I have to say I have yet to be engulfed in a whirlpool of terror, but I'm looking forward to that pretty soon.

***On a brighter note, I entered a contest regarding "The Order of Odd-Fish" on Murphblog, and although I didn't win, it was tons of fun and definitely worth a read. James Kennedy's has links to all the posts as well on his blog too!

Challenge Accepted

I'm reading "The Order of Odd-Fish" right now by James Kennedy and I just finished the part where they tell you how to challenge someone to a duel. I'm pretty sure it involves throwing a shoe at someone's face and saying "Consider yourself challenged."

Well, Brenda has issued such a challenge, and although there is no shoe, and really no duel. I have accepted. One survey complete:

10 years ago:
1. I was finishing up my Junior Year in High School and getting really excited for the Europe trip.
2. I was in "high school love" with Daniel, meaning I worried constantly about everything in our relationship.
3. I bought my favorite pair of shoes ever in preparation for Europe. My purple Reeboks. I loved them...
4. Brenda was my best friend in all the world, and we at one point told people that we didn't need drugs because we were "high on life". Then we giggled and danced around for another half-hour.
5. I believed in God.

5 years ago:
1. After several months job searching, I had just got a job at the Department of Revenue in Jeff City and I was going to have to move away from Kirksville and Brenda. :(
2. I realized how much fun going out to bars could be, thanks to Theresa. :-) I never had more fun barhopping than I did with her in the winter/spring of 2004, and Brenda was pretty nice to come pick us up. :-)
3. I was planning my wedding and visiting Daniel every weekend and practically living in the Kappa Sigma house.
4. I watched Brenda get locked in the bathroom, and I made her sip water from a straw through the doorknob hole and fed her animal crackers while we waiting for the maintence man. And I did a good deal of laughing too.
5. Still believed in God.

1 year ago:
1. Daniel and I were enjoying living in our new house...although that whole mowing the yard thing was not so much fun.
2. I was working at Vold & Morris and figuring out that I acutally kind of enjoy the whole writing legal documents thing.
3. I was excited about going to Minnesota with Brenda over Memorial Day and getting to go somewhere out of the state!
4. I was not paying any attention to my Fantasy Baseball Team.
5. God? Not so much.

Yesterday:
1. I grilled pizza and it was delicious...plus I heard the little boys next door totally get in a fight and the older one made the younger one cry. Priceless.
2. Went to Sonic three times...Damn you Royals and your free Slushes!!
3. Checked my Fantasy Baseball Team non-stop while watching the Royals game in the background.
4. Called Brenda at least twice to tell her about funny things (see #1), and talked to Catie for a half-hour about her wedding and the Seattle vacation.
5. Read some "Order of Odd-Fish", watched one of the best episodes of "The Office" I've seen in a long time, and cuddled with Daniel.

5 snacks I like:
1. Trader Joes Sea Salt Pita chips
2. Almonds, Cashews and Hazelnuts
3. Tootsie Pops
4. Crispy Hexagons Cereal
5. Pirate Booty!

songs I know all the words to:
1. The Star Spangled Banner
2. Loose Lips - Kimya Dawson
3. Old Man River - Show Boat
4. Piano Man - Billy Joel
5. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

If I had a million dollars:
1. Pay off any debt my or Daniel's parent's have.
2. Pay off the house and the student loans.
3. Donate money to Planned Parenthood and NPR.
4. Buy Daniel a car that doesn't flood when it rains, and myself a car that isn't falling apart.
5. Save the Rest....and maybe take a trip around the world.

5 things I would never wear:
1. Acid Wash Skinny Jeans from the 80s
2. A Girdle
3. Granny Panties
4. Shoulder Pads
5. Sequins

Favorite TV shows:
1. The Office
2. Mark & Olly
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel
4. Veronica Mars
5. Six Feet Under

5 bad habits:
1. Pretending I don't have any bad habits.
2. Not calling people when I need to.
3. Procrastination.
4. Not working out.
5. Filling out surveys at work. ;-)

5 biggest joys:
1. Daniel
2. Brenda
3. Rainy Days with no work and a good book.
4. When life is bustling around me and I am in the center of family/friends and I have that perfect moment of knowing that this is where I belong.
5. Endless summer days with friends, baseball games, BBQ grills, cool drinks and popsicles.

fictional people I want to date:
1. Jim Halpert - The Office
2. Atticus Finch - To Kill a Mockingbird
3. Belle - Beauty and the Beast
4. Sam Wise Gamgee - Lord of the Rings
5. Fat Charlie Nancy - Anansi Boys

So now if you've read this (THROWS SHOE AT YOUR HEAD)

Consider yourself challenged!!